Why I Love my Job with Sharon Morrissey Mediation Services

Sharon Morrissey says the Mediation process is something she is “wholeheartedly grateful to be part of” by treating people with respect and care

Sharon Morrissey mediates in individual, couple, and family system disputes as well as workplace disputes with more than 25 years of experience

Sharon Morrissey provides mediation services for individual, couple, and family system disputes as well as mediating workplace disputes, where the onus of finding solutions is the self-determining and self-reflective process. Sharon said, “When relationships continue fruitfully, I provide conflict management support to businesses and families.”

Sharon Morrissey holds a Master of Arts in Conflict Resolution from St Angela’s College Sligo and NUIG, she also holds a PG Cert in Mediation and Conflict Resolution, a PG Dip in Leadership and Change, and a Family Mediation Qualification, with an inclusive and Focused Mediation Qualification. My primary Degree is in Applied Social Care (National Diploma in Applied Social Care).

Sharon said, “I have approximately 25 years of experience working in Early Childhood Education and Family Support within disadvantaged areas. I hold qualifications in counselling, training, grief and bereavement, and internal family systems (ongoing). I am an author and have written the book ‘That’s Not My Ending!’ a story based on the experiences of two children Seanie and Toni who are experiencing their parents’ relationship breakdown.”

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Sharon Morrissey lectures include Mediation Theory, Advanced Mediation Theory and Practice, Understanding Conflict, Causes Analysis and Dynamics, and Family Mediation. Sharon explains, “For these modules, I was given the Learning Outcomes, and it was my role to build the course content, which I thoroughly enjoyed doing. In all of these modules, I incorporate the areas of self-awareness and reflection.

“The aim of including this in modules is to ensure that students become conscious that we will be unable to understand and support others unless we can understand ourselves. I lecture in public and private colleges and have been employed in a lecturing role since September 2019. I am on the faculty with a conflict management academy in Tampa Florida, providing training and support to returning veterans in Ukraine.”

A wife to Moss, with two grown-up daughters and a very feisty Kerry Blue dog named Ben, Sharon lives in County Cork where she enjoys reading, walking, knitting and interior design.

What Initially inspired me to pursue a career in mediation?

I had worked in the area of Family Support for many years and through that time I began working with more and more families where relationship breakdown was impacting how parents and families communicated with each other. For example, families (including extended families, in-laws etc) that had communicated and collaborated reasonably well for years all of a sudden really disliked each other because of the breakdown of relationship between the couple.

This I could see was having huge negative impacts on the children/young people in relationships. I could also see that as parental relationships deteriorated, children became more anxious and sadder, parents became more entrenched in their positions and conflict and negativity enveloped life. One case in particular highlighted this hugely for me and I also began to wonder about how people perceive conflict. I found the whole area fascinating. I had heard the word mediation before, but I was not clear on what it meant and so I began researching the potential that mediation may have. Destiny aligned and a course, initially a PG in Mediation and Conflict Resolution became available in beautiful Sligo, where I had initially gone to college, and then a MA of Arts in Conflict Resolution from St. Angelas College NUIG became available, and I completed that.

I then had the practice, theory and qualification to use with parties in conflict, not only in family relationships but within workplaces and for people to understand and mediate internal conflicts through understanding triggers and biases, through self-reflection and awareness and through the use of practical skills. Personally, I describe the process of mediation as a game changer when used correctly as a self-determining tool.

Having worked in the field for more than 25 years – what keeps you passionate and motivated after so many years?

When one is blessed enough to work with people every day, every day is different. Cases may at times be similar, but people are always different. It goes back to perception. Every person on the planet will have different views on issues based on how they were raised, where they were raised, community, political views, religious views, systems etc.  By being open to hearing other people and the story they bring to the mediation table once they feel (emotionally and physically) safe, I learn. I learn more about myself, I learn more about life and experiences, I learn about what makes people unique and individual. This is a privilege I do not take lightly. What I have also learned along the way is that some people are closed to learning, they believe they are right, and others are wrong. This is in my view a very sad place to be, as it leads to ego driven outcomes and decisions. I always want to be open to possibilities, the possibility of an outcome that will be positive and the possibility of an outcome that is negative but may contain great learning. Every interaction with every person I meet holds these realities and possibilities. How could I not be motivated and passionate?

What is the most rewarding aspect of helping people through their conflicts?

This is as individual as each case. There are a number of rewarding pieces. The first one being the first agreement, having the parties agree to attend mediation. It is not necessary for both parties to be together in the same room in mediation, and some people prefer not to be for different reasons. However, with both parties agreeing to attend there is an acknowledgement that there is a conflict that they are open to resolving. After this, it is the little gains, the acknowledgement and agreements that parties make towards wanting to find an outcome that meets their needs and the needs of those involved, for example, how can we create a space where people will be comfortable again (children, work colleagues, parents, siblings, friends) This does not mean that everyone has to be “best friends and hug it out”. It may be the decision to not see each other again and find workarounds, but the rewarding piece is having the individuals in conflict arrive at an agreement as to what they want the ending of the conflict to look like.

What are some of the biggest challenges you face in your career?

Education, as yet we are still a rather litigious country. Legal options are always the first thing people will think about when they feel they have been wronged in some way,

Value of Service. Often times people will have no issue paying for services such as medical and legal, however with a service like mediation that is seen as a “caring” service people will not wish to pay for it, or believe it is too expensive (even though worldwide mediation cases are 80% successful). I suppose this may be down to education again.

Being self-employed is hard. Anyone who is in business will say this, from the shopkeeper to landlord to restauranteur. Nobody wants a mediator until they need a mediator, so it is sometimes difficult to consistently “show up” on social media etc when one is not selling a sexy product!

How does it feel to see people genuinely commit to resolving their conflicts?

Honestly, it is really emotional. Being with people who are facing some of the biggest life-changing events in their lives and sitting with them speaking through (for example) the impact of a conflict in the workplace on their mental and physical health, but wanting to be well and at work because they believe in a cause/need the income (whatever the reason they want to stay), being with people who are dissecting their lives due to a breakdown in a relationship, maybe because of a realisation that the partner is not the person they want to be with, illness in the family, affairs, financial issues is stripping a life naked, and putting everything on the table is the bravest, boldest and most painful thing to experience. However, this can be done with respect, and care when the parties want to work towards a future with or without the other person/workplace in it.

It is something I will always be wholeheartedly grateful to be part of, and as above continues the passion and motivation in the work.

What role does empathy play in mediation?

I believe empathy plays a role in every interaction with another person. As a mediator my role to be neutral and impartial. I wonder about this. I don’t think it is possible to be neutral as we are human and have all of our experiences that colour our perceptions, so by being empathetic, compassionate and hugely self-aware and reflective creates a working relationship that facilitates parties to make self-determining outcomes

How does it feel to have clients give you this level of trust during the process?

I have used the word a couple of times already and the word is privilege. I feel privileged, It also feels scary and nerve-wracking at times because my role is to facilitate the self-determining outcomes. It is not for me ever to tell people what to do. How would I know what is best for someone else’s life? So, I see it as I hold the clients’ trust in my hands while they are facilitated to ask and answer questions, negotiate, collaborate etc and when they are ready, I hand the trust back, ask the client to filter the decision through their own self-trust and agree on the self-determining outcomes.

Has your understanding of human/business relationships and conflict evolved over the years?

Oh gosh, what a wonderful question. I am fascinated by the lenses (perceptions) we have of conflict and how we see issues as right/wrong, Good/bad, black/white. I like to see things in the myriads of colours, shapes and sizes. I like to question my own thinking and my clients thinking about the parts we ourselves inevitably play in the conflicts we find ourselves in. I think what I know for certain now, is how much I don’t know, and will never know. No relationships are the same, no experiences are the same, and so therefore for me what has evolved is always open, be curious, be aware of personal beliefs and how they might trigger judgemental responses, be open to being corrected and challenged. Be as Brene Brown would say “wholehearted”

Every college, business, family, etc is made up of individuals. Our relationships are with individuals despite organisational names.

What aspect of your career has had the greatest impact on your life?

Again, a huge question. This is a big circle for me. I believe go into careers because of the role we hold (knowingly or unknowingly in our family), Fixer, minder, organiser, creator, joker etc. From understanding conflict, I can see how I was a people pleaser with a strong belief in fighting injustice. The process of mediation has helped me mediate with the internal people pleaser in my mind, and quieten her down, sometimes she is quieter than others. This I call internal mediation which is strongly linked to perception also. I believe mediation is necessary in every decision we make, and finding this process has changed my mindset on so many things. I am thankful every moment of every single day for the one case that made me see how conversations needed to change, for the course in Sligo and the most wonderful course director, for the ability to apply this knowledge to every day and use it to support others. Being able to use the skills of mediation as a means to support my financial life is a joy that makes my soul sing.

What have you learned from your clients over the years, and how does that shared wisdom contribute to your passion for continuing this work?

The differing views, experiences, and learnings from each and every person I have worked with forms a piece of the intricacy tapestry of my life, and therefore my work. I believe in systems theory. Each client and their story forms part of the system I am in and therefore the learning and support for others. This work is formed on the basis of interconnectedness, we are more the same than we are different even in conflict. Our needs are to belong, to be wanted and loved. Mediation is not a panacea for everything, some people you cannot mediate with. For those people I often wonder where the connection was ruptured (a conflict) and not mediated therefore there was no repair. However, it is my belief that we mediate every single day, driving through traffic, allowing someone in front of us at the store, and sorting out arguments with partners/children. We all have the basics of mediation, my passion is finding and facilitating the skills.

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